how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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