I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
