I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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