i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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