I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Drunk is a universal language darling
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
