if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
