don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
