I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My ass is underappreciated
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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