i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Even my vagina gasped.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
