I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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