I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
