I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
