I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
