uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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