she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
