Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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