I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
