I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
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Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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