PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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