You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
