I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
