I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
