I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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