Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.