i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
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I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.