i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.