You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
