That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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