We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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