aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
