i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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