That's intense
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
