I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
