If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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