I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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