My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
