I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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