even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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