We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
