someone threw a dead crab at me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
