Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
