I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
