Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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