I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize