Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
