Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
