4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The feeling are messing with the penis
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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