It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
