dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
