Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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