You work out of a Hotel?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
