And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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