Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I got inside last night via doggy door
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
