i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
