He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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