I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
