$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize