Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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