i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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