I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
