I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
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I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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