Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
